My Man

I often times thank God for allowing me to be John's wife. I am so blessed and couldn't ask for more. I have the man that I dreamed about having...one who loves selfishly, serves often, a man of his word, a man who continually changes for the better-who strives to be more like Christ. He truly serves me, our family, and many others so many ways.

I love that he is a man of God. He truly seeks to know God more intimately and strives selfishly to share Christ with others. He is a man of the Word and loves books that will grow him in the knowledge of the Word, closer to God, and to be like Christ. He continually gives up his evenings and days to head to the hospital, counsel, serve, disciple, etc. I am often humbled to see him selflessly give of his time in whatever way that may be to help others. I love that even though our income is lower than ever, he does not hesitate to give a hundred there or a couple hundred to someone in need. I love that money doesn't motivate him and that he is frugal in order to give as much away as he can. I love that he seeks to preach the Word over personal opinion. I love that he is humble, compassionate, gentle, faithful, quick to forgive, and quick to admit wrong without fluffing what he did even in the pulpit.

He is a people person. He loves meeting new people, connecting with friends, and reminiscing with old buddies. I always say he could be a politician because he knows people all over the place, remembers their name, and how he knows them. You can tell he really cares about you when he is talking with you too. He is a great listener. Can I say that again...he is a great listener. I know that is rare in a man...sadly. Along with that he gives great counsel. Because he is a great listener and a godly man, he is able to counsel wisely. I am grateful to see him 'work' through marriage counseling, pre-marital counseling, people hurting, and many other situations. His heart for people is due to his desire that others know Christ and make Him known.

I love him as a husband and as a best friend. Come May, we will have been together for 12 years and married 9! So I guess that isn't much considering my parents have been married 45 years but we hope to get there and further given we are both still on this earth. I am more in love with John than ever. He loves me through the good, bad, and even ugly. He loves in the easy times and he chooses love when I am not so lovable. I love that I can share anything with him, and even talk about my 'feelings' and that he genuinely cares. I love that even after having three boys and hardly spending any time on my physical appearance (newborn baby); he still passionately loves me...me, for who I am. I love that he includes me in things even though I was not the good behind what happened...most good I do as a wife is easy because of John being so lovable, such a good husband, and a godly man. I love that I get to spend the night with a man/live with a man, my man. I love that he is everything I prayed he would be when I was a teenager...even the silly things (godly man, tall, blond, blue eyes, not hairy, athletic, loving, intelligent). I love how he makes me feel and laugh. I love that I can see Christ in his eyes and that his eyes look like love, compassion, and grace. I love that he is gentle yet authoritative and strong. I love the way he looks at me. And then there are all those things I will not discuss...let's just say I love him!

He is a great Dad. I love seeing him love and train the boys in the way they should go. He is such a great helper with the boys by dressing and feeding them in the morning, taking them to school, and doing their bedtime routine with them at night (milk, bath, dress, books, tuck them in, pray, and sing). I love how he invests in them during teaching moments, family worship time and other things such as Mission India. I love seeing them wrestle, play marble works, build things with Legos, and all the other little things he does with them. I love how the boys light up when Daddy gets home. I love seeing them get so excited when they hear the garage door...go hide and then anticipate John finding them and tickling them. I love how he takes them to the library and special one-on-one trips. I love how he makes sure they always respect me and treat me well. I love that he kisses me first showing them that Mommy is number 1 next to Christ. I blesses me to know that the boys know our relationship is full of love and healthy...that they don't have to fear us ever divorcing. I am grateful he loves them well and shows them how to be a godly man, Dad, and husband.

I love all those little things about him too...the fact that he doesn't take sports too seriously but is very athletic, the fact that he looks like he works out 2 hours a day even though he may only work out for 20 minutes 5 times in a month, that he leaves his shoes and clothes in the bathroom if he works late while I am sleeping so that he makes as little noise as possible when coming in the bedroom, that he is considerately quiet when he showers and leaves before any one in the house wakes up, I love the way his eyes look when he is sleepy at night or in the morning when he wakes up, that he does the dishes and laundry without me asking, that he asks if there is any way he can help out around the house, that he gives me a massage every night that he is home and can, that he helps out cooking when he sees I just don't have the arms to do it, the way he leaves encouraging notes and verses for me, the way he emails me blogs for encouragement or for learning, the way he does not promise that he will change because of something we talked about but just shows his change by his actions, the way he practices what he preaches and allows God to work on his heart each week he studies for his sermon, the way he loves reading, the way he is not addicted to video games, the way he is musically talented, the way he can do just about any athletic activity with little effort, the way his mind is photographic and can remember visually somewhere he was a year before that, the way he just knows direction intuitively, the way he seeks to know and learn more being a continual student, the way he can decorate our house better than I can, I love that he dislikes the same foods as me, that he is not embarrassed to buy feminine products for me, how he is often trying to get me to sit and rest instead of work so he can do those things for me, how he often gets me water or any other item, how he shares that funny joke/blog/comment with me, how he strives to learn/do new things on updating or fixing up a foreclosed house, that he works (to make up time lost during the day) really late into the night so that he can help some during the day and be with the boys in the evening, and that he could easily be a meteorologist, travel agent, politician, engineer, etc.

I could go on and on but just wanted you to know that I love you for so many big and little reasons. You are my man and I am grateful!

2013 OSU Homecoming

John and the older boys had a lot of fun at Oklahoma State's homecoming this year. Levi and I stayed at home. It was just too much traveling for a little one and I knew it would be quite cold Friday night for the walk-around.

It all started with a bug show in Stillwater on Friday at 2pm. Noah really liked it but Luke fell asleep. He was so tired otherwise I think he would have liked it! The Roush girls were there too! Take a good look at Luke in the lower right-hand corner. That is the only picture of him. He currently does not like us taking pictures of him and this is John's attempt to document he was there. :)

We didn't get any pictures while they were at the game but they enjoyed sitting with Pop and Grammy in their box. The boys had tons of fun with their cousins after the game tailgating at Pop and Grammy's RV.

Grammy told me about this moment...Noah was trying to decide whether to tell the truth or not and what to say. We are currently learning to tell the truth right now...just look at those thoughts swirling around in his head...

Overall, they had a blast! Noah cried at the end when they had to leave even after winning a race. I love that the boys love being around family! So much fun and so many memories!

Grammy just sent me some more pictures...one of John, Luke, and Noah at the parade early Saturday morning and one of John and Noah at the bug show. :)

Did that just happen?

Saturday night was VERY eventful for us and I am writing this purely for your entertainment...cause I know most of you with kids have been there! I just don't want to you feel alone in this crazy parenting thing.

John's sister, Lori, her husband and three kids came to visit us from Pawnee. Our boys love getting together their cousins. They got here around lunch time Saturday. The kids all had such a fun time playing together and it just blessed our hearts. I loved having them over! We ate pizzla, jumped on the trampoline, played golf, played baseball, played on the swing set, watched football, rode the horse, played with the water hose, and had a great time visiting. They have Laney, 7, Haley, 4, and Lawson, who will be 3 next month. They are a joy to be around.

Around 3pm we decided to meet at the hotel around 4pm to swim. The kids were all thrilled! Since Luke normally takes a nap he was exhausted...the kind where he is uncontrollably upset and there is no amount of discipline that will knock him into sense. So, since Levi was sleeping I took Luke down to lay with me. After lots of crying I finally got him to lay down quietly in his bed. After about 10 minutes Levi woke up and Luke fell asleep shortly after I left. We let him sleep for about 30 minutes before we woke him up. They had tons of fun swimming and after that. Then everyone got changed and headed to Lucille's for dinner. This is where the fun really started...

I stayed in the van to nurse Levi and then headed into Lucille's. After we ordered and finished our salads and appetizer, Levi started crying. I am not sure what was wrong but he would not be comforted. I put him in the wrap thinking he was tired and would fall asleep. Didn't work. I left my food that had just arrived and took him to the bathroom. That didn't work. I tried to nurse him while sitting on the toilet...that never goes well especially with the extremely loud automatic flushing toilet. Lovely! I knew that was a bad decision since Levi struggles with relfux anyway and having him struggle to eat (getting more burps than his normal 15) while I sat on the toilet didn't go well. After that I decided to take him to the van again...maybe he really was hungry and needed a quiet, calm environment to eat. Nope. Then, John came out to hold Levi so I could go in and eat. If I couldn't soothe Levi, John certainly wasn't going to. But, he tried and I went in. I started eating and then Luke threw up. He had taken way too big of a bite (as he often does) and got choked up. I had his back pack with extra clothes and diapers so I took him to the bathroom to change him and realized he had pooped. After changing his diaper and clothes we headed for the table and everyone else was done. So I carried my boxed food out of the restaurant and saw poor Levi with tears streaming down his face while John tried to soothe him. Poor guy, he had been crying the whole time. We began to say our goodbyes since we wouldn't see them again until church the next morning. Noah was saying goodbye to his cousins as he started running toward the parking lot (looking the opposite direction) and tripped over a parking spot curb and spilled his precious water. Traumatic after a full day of fun! After calming him, we got everyone buckled in. We could have gotten hit by a car driving fast and illegally through parking spots but praise God that didn't happen! John and I both said at that point that things could have gotten much worse. On the way home, Luke kept quoting Paul Tripp by saying, "I want, I want, I want." If you've ever been under the teaching of him, you have probably heard him say that about 20 times in a row. Hilarious! When we got home, I got Levi to bed. John went to start the bath and saw Noah peeing all over the toilet seat and floor....of course.  Then, I went to the kitchen and ate my dinner and got ready for bed. Right when I was done getting ready and the older boys were down for the night, Levi woke up. And that was our night with a lot of crying throughout it all. Of course it isn't always that eventful but you just have to laugh when you have days like that. Kids are quite entertaining at times and don't have the best attitudes with no to little naps and a full day of fun. I know as an adult I want to cry and whine sometimes!

After church, we went to Arby's and it went fairly well besides Levi crying. I guess you could say it is not the easiest to take 6 kids out to eat ranging from 7 years to 11 weeks old. We had a great time with them and wish they lived closer! Their kids are so sweet and fun and Jon and Lori are a blessing to be around! Love them!

The Truth about BURPS

Levi will be 11 weeks old tomorrow. He has grown so much and is really beginning to smile, coo, and desire to learn about this world around him. He loves to hear his Daddy and brothers voices and see what they are doing. He is still struggling with his reflux but we have seen lots of improvement. He went from crying every minute he was awake starting at 2 weeks old to smiling and cooing. Luke took the arrival of baby Levi hard. Noah started school around that time and I was ALWAYS busy holding Levi as he squirmed up my chest while he cried in pain. He would cry for about 1 1/2 hours and then nap only 10 minutes besides sleeping a little longer in the afternoons at times. In that 10 minutes I tried to go to the bathroom and eat something. I was simply surviving. So Luke ultimately felt he lost his brother and his Mom at the same time while having to listen to crying all day and play on his own. I am guessing he felt left out, unloved, and not happy. Then, Levi and I had to deal with thrush on top of that...which means I had to sterilize everything all the time, wash myself after each time he ate, give him medicine every 3 hours, etc. Not fun and it took even more time with even more louder crying since I had to put him down to do those things. Poor Levi. Poor Luke. My heart just broke for Luke but it was all I could do to help him survive while I held a crying baby. Finally after weeks, Levi seemed to get better and better and I was able to spend more time with Luke. Levi still napped only 10 minutes most of the time until a week ago but I tried to be intentional with my time with Luke. He is doing much better now. Praise God this is just a season!

Levi still has a big struggle with his reflux but does not seem to be in pain like he was. His struggle now comes down to burps. Yes, BURPS...and he has a lot of them. He will literally burp 15 times the hour or 1 1/2 hours he is awake. Right after he eats he will burp 3 or so times. Then, over the next hour he is awake I strategically put him down (to work up some burps) and pick him up to burp him. I normally get 1 or 2 out each time I do that. Then, once he is tired I get him to sleep and put him down. Over the next 20 or 30 minutes (cause that is how long it takes me to get him down for a nap), I pick him up several times and normally get 2 or 3 more burps each time. For example, tonight he ate at 5pm and burped a few times. The next hour he burped some more and spit up a few times. He fell asleep on me at 6pm. From 6 to 7pm, I picked him up 7 times after putting him down asleep that first time. He burped a total of 20 times during that hour of putting him down asleep, him squirming cause he needed to burp, me picking him up and burping him, and then putting him down asleep again. After doing that process 6 times he had burped 20 times! SERIOUSLY! How can an 11 week old have that many burps in his tummy! I live and breathe by burps. This sounds crazy but the happiness of Levi depends on it, my time depends on it, and the amount of burps I can get out depends on how many times I wake up at night...my sleep heavily depends on it. BURPS. BURPS. BURPS. This whole week I've been up nearly every hour cause of burps. Which just leaves 30 minutes to an hour to sleep in between. Not good. I remember Noah and Luke burping just a few times. Noah had acid reflux (not silent reflux like Levi) and he would burp a few times and spit up even up to 4 feet away...but then he was done. Happy. Levi is a different story. OK, so tonight was an extreme case of burps but he literally does burp 15 times in an hour where 9 or so of them is me putting him down dead asleep only to pick him up again, burp him a few times, put him to sleep again, and so forth. I have to say that I am pretty skilled after 9 weeks of practice burping Levi but it is still quite the process. There is a fine line between too sleepy to burp and wide awake and too fussy becuase he needs to burp. He has to be right between there in order to get a burp out. Noah and Luke were the same way...I am sure most Mom's know what I am talking about!

During the day he tends to sleep 20 to 30 minutes now and one longer nap each day (praise God the 10 minutes naps seem to be over!). It takes me about as long to get all his burps out and get him to stay asleep then he sleeps! This is not an easy process with a 2 year old and 4 year old in the house! They are loud and seem to always come in just when I got him to sleep. Noah is most often in school but Luke is the hard one to manage! I can see why some people have children 4 years apart (if it was a choice for them). It is so much easier! The four year old understands being quiet, can be a helper, more disciplined, potty trained, and independent. Although that would be much easier, having them 2 years apart is nice because they can be best buds. Sometimes when children are 4 years apart they never really get to know each other or tend to not want to play the same things. I didn't want that...although currently it seems desirable. Luke is totally ready to be potty trained. He uses the restroom when we take him and can push a little pee out upon request if there is candy involved. It is just too hard to potty train while having an infant! Anyone want to take him for a couple days? I would pay...cause in the end I wouldn't be buying diapers for him! Woohoo! I tried potty training with Noah while Luke was only 2 months old! Ahh! Not fun!

At church I just put him in my wrap and he sleeps upright and will even sleep 2 hours in a row. Most people probably think he sleeps all the time because I do this every Sunday. I even get comments that he is such a content baby...Ha! But I cannot put him in the wrap all the time. It is not healthy for Levi, not fair for Luke and Noah, and certainly not something my body can sustain. I already live with constant sharp knife pains in my shoulders from holding Levi so much. The weeks he was in pain constantly I held him upright ALL THE TIME. He would only let ME hold him and he would squirm in pain up my chest. So my arms, back, and shoulder muscles have been flexed since he was 2 weeks old with little break. Hence, the sharp knife pains. My muscles are tired. Thankfully, the last 2 weeks Levi has slowly let me put him down and let others hold him for a short time. Thank goodness for a little break! John also gives me a massage every night. Praise God for that!

Side note: with all things in perspective, we are JUST talking silent reflux...not major surgeries, cancer treatments, or any other major issues other families deal with. Nonetheless, it is still hard.

Although most of the week was pretty hard, I can see the light. Tuesday was a good day and night. He only woke up once Monday night (sleeping a 3 hour stretch and 4 hour stretch), all his naps were more than 10 minutes, he let me put him down for a few minutes each time he was awake, and he not only didn't scream the entire way to pick up Noah and bring him home, feel asleep in his car seat...he just does not do that! I was thankful for a good day. He even had a couple milestones that day...he started clasping his hands together and discovered his tongue. You know the turtle tongue! Hilarious! I remember the other two doing that too.

The older Levi gets the more milestones he hits! Praise God for that. I think once he sits up around 5 or 6 months he will be able to sit up, burp, and be a much better sleeper. Luke didn't sleep through the night until he was 15 months old so I have high hopes we will reach that point sooner with Levi!

Enough un-sugar coated details for this online journal. Despite this hard time, I am SOOOO grateful to be blessed with another boy. I am humbled to be given another boy to point to the Lord and disciple. I pray God would save Noah, Luke, and Levi's souls. Levi is a joy and just loves talking to me and smiles each time I look at him. It just blesses my heart! He is so in love with his Momma! What more could I ask for! Besides making him coo and smile, I love his sweet hugs as I put my face against his. I cannot get enough of that soft, warm baby skin. Love it! Thank you God for such a blessing! I look forward to seeing him heal, grow, and become a man of God!

Levi's Newborn Pictures